Hi guys!
I know that it's been a little while since my last post but I think because of what has been going on in my life recently, I just really needed to like get my thoughts in check!
So what's new?...
Well as many of you have probably seen, I've had a bit of a mid- not mid life crisis/ rebellious week - I was on a bit of an up, so I basically decided that I wanted to change something and the easiest ways that I could think of doing that were to get a new piercing and tattoo! Bit mad, I know but just to put you a little at ease, it wasn't all just on a whim! As many of you know, I have a deep passion and interest in raising awareness in mental health, not just from personal experience but to contribute towards ending the stigma for people like me, and those who unfortunately have it worse. SO after waiting a year, on should I, shouldn't I decided to eventually get a semi colon tattooed on my wrist on behalf of project semi colon - yes obviously a lot smaller than my first tattoo but with having just as big a meaning to it - I don't think I've ever been so sure of a decision as I was after it took all of 5 minutes to finish but I am honestly so so happy with the result!
All that aside, I think the problem with having little ups and downs, week in week out is that you don't always notice the small positive changes that happen within yourself so this past week, I've noticed that a lot of my confidence in my self and my abilities that I lost for a while has came back and I think a lot of that has to do with my social media break for a few days - I essentially forced myself to shut off from the outside world and logged out and deleted every social media app on my phone, encouraging those who wanted to keep in touch with me to text me and I think that as an experiment it definitely payed off. You watch celebrities and people struggle with the affect that it has on your day to day life, as you constantly become addicted to your phone and compare yourself to others but you know what - just leaving my phone in my bag when I went out and not checking it constantly to check on Snapchat or Instagram has actually opened up my mind space a hell of a lot more to start thinking more clearly and enjoy life and the people you surround yourself with rather than constantly pushing buttons on my phone. I highly recommend it to anyone, if you ever feel like things are just getting too much, take a couple days just to switch off!
What else? Oh I got one of my uni essays back today with a grade and feedback and I think that it I definitely safe to say that it was not one of my best pieces of work - to summarise the feedback "you have no idea what you are writing about, how to write an essay and I can tell that you struggle to get your thoughts from your head to paper - I strongly advise you going to see Learning Services for advice on writing an essay"...oops. Well now I'm usually quite an accepting person of feedback as I always look for constant ways of improving but to see that written, I'm not gonna lie - took it outta me a bit. Okay so I wasn't 100% confident writing this essay anyway, I applied the first feedback I was given and got my friends to quadruple check it to make sure it made sense before I handed it in and to still read comments like that - I mean it's obviously gonna have an affect on anyone. Something I mentioned in my post about some of my struggles these past couple of years - especially with my CFS is that your entire understanding of how you process things in life changes - imagine no longer having the ability to understand your own mind, suddenly going from being able to write an academic essay perfectly with having clear, well thought out plans and structures embedded in your brain to no longer be able to string together a sentence without having the words muddled up somewhere or having the concentration to last an entire paragraph of writing without getting a headache. I know not everyone will understand but like sometimes all it takes is a little encouragement and support not constant criticism to send you spiralling down a dark hole? It's taken a lot outta me to find my feet at uni and I think using this summer as a break to just think things through is definitely what I need!
On other news if you somehow live under a rock and don't already know... Love Island 🌴 has returned to our screens and I have to say, I am totally ADDICTED. The only thing I feel is slightly strange this year though is knowing that I went to school with one of the contestants - like I'm not gonna lie, it is very very weirdddd. Still, every night me and the girls have been on it with the messaging and commenting during both episodes both far and I think the overall verdict is that we most definitely had higher expectations! When we're not kicking off, I swear we were YAWNNNNING our heads off - I think a few of them need to go find themselves a personality and get some banter - Niall deffo seems to be leading the train this year with his Adam insults! What do you all think?
Anyway guys, I think that’s deffo more of a catch-up than you asked for! Keep checking for updates - if you want to stay in touch then please click the follow button on my homepage to subscribe!
Until next time - Ellen x
Until next time - Ellen x
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